The Play’s The Thing

I am knitting a sock and right now, it seems to be the one connecting factor in my life.

I can knit a stitch at home. I can knit a stitch at the theater. I can kitchener in the car. (I’m rather proud of that last fact, actually)

 I’ve been listening to the podcast Cast On, and as usual, it puts me into a slightly superior self-analyzing mode that lasts for about 3 seconds. However, it kickstarted my brain and today, for once, I’ve had enough time to process everything. And knit. Just some simple stockinette with some rainbowy yarn that I rather like. My muscles and brain have relaxed and my breathing rate is mellow. When I think “oh, wait, I need to–” I realize that I don’t really have anything urgent that I need to worry about. At least until tomorrow.

 I wear different faces with different people. I think acting in the play has helped me realize just how often I do this. When I talk to the elderly gentleman at my church that still thinks of me as a little girl, I’m cheerful, kind and loud-he’s rather deaf–and that is a character. But what acting doesn’t do is tell me when the line ends, where my characters stop and where I begin. It can make me feel fragmented and sometimes afraid that I don’t even know who I am. But knitting is a constant. It doesn’t offend anyone. It’s simple. It’s basic. It’s like a touchstone and it helps.

 And that’s good, because things are only going to get crazier from here on out. Because next week, Anne of Green Gables opens. But also, I landed a role in another play. A Shakespearan play. The Tempest, to be exact. And I will be playing Miranda Even as I typed that, my chest tightened up slightly. When I auditioned, I didn’t expect a major role. It would be my second play and to be frank, my role in AOGG is rather minor.

 If I didn’t care, it would be easier. If I didn’t care so much about doing a good job, I could just shrug it off. But I do care, very much so. I think it comes from my writing, actually. As a writer and a long-time reader, it has always been the people that fascinated me. As such, I’m intensely careful when dealing with another person’s characters. I’m scared. Deathly terrified, actually. I want to crawl under a rock and hide there for about two months. But I am so glad. Because I need this. I need to be able to put myself out there and fail. Or flub, or be imperfect.

 But with knitting, it doesn’t matter. I have the ultimate control over my knitting and I’m not afraid. It helps form a core that lets me venture past my boundaries. I suppose that’s why I almost immeaditely wound up this Wollmeise yarn. I am knitting Ishbel with it. Or, if it doesn’t work out, I can frog the shawl and knit knee-socks with it; it doesn’t matter. It’s my choice and while I move into new spheres, I’m clutching a pair of needles and a ball of yarn in one hand.

S7306520 by you.

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May 29, 2009. Knittin' Porn.

6 Comments

  1. turtlegirl76 replied:

    You’re going to be great in a lead part! Don’t freak out! You got the role for a reason!

  2. jinniver replied:

    Congrats on the new part! It’s always a bit terrifying–and exhilarating to put yourself out there like that. And if you’ve got the different faces for different times/places/people down, you’ll do fine for life. That never ends. :-)

  3. Juli replied:

    I love that rainbow yarn! And while you might be scared about that play, don’t worry! The best part of acting is the show itself, no matter how many mess-ups. Just have fun. :)

  4. Pam replied:

    How did the play go?

    As I read your blog, I was thinking about WWKIP tomorrow and wondered if one of the reasons for worldwide knitting in public events is to give knitters the same confidence it gives you. Keep up the good work.

  5. tangletale replied:

    The Ishbel is in my queue- love the colors of your yarn. For me the best part of any good performance of Shakespeare is when the actors really understand what they are saying and can relax into their roles. Good Luck!

  6. Lillemor replied:

    Oh! very nice yarn!

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