Intarsia Sweaters On Crack: A Dose Of Fugly

 Now, I have no joy in pointing out knitting fugliness.

 Well, normally I don’t.

 But this Knitters magazine is making me positively gleeful about fugliness.

I present to you…The Knitters Magazine On Crack!

The cover should instantly warn you that something was wrong at the office that day. Somewhere, someone snapped. Someone had to OK the banana-yellow cloak!

Here’s the first sign that something is seriously wrong.

I think those are Christmas trees trapped inside amoebas. But I can’t be sure.  Now, I can forgive one bad pattern. But…

what the heck is this?

I have no idea why this hat must exist. Explain this to me. God, are you listening!

Apparently, God wasn’t listening. Because this is another pattern in the same issue!

There is something wrong with someone who is so happy about disembodied peach legs plastered across her torso. Apparently, disembodied legs don’t go in for tanning.

I’m so sexy, lounging about in my intarsia-glory.

 

The following is just the name of a sweater. I am not going to show that sweater here. I am simply going to give you the name, and allow you to draw your own conclusions.

The following quite clearly explains why men hate sweaters. I swear, if my wife knitted this for me, I think I would be legally safe—no, obligated—to kill her.

“Gee, Dad, I can’t wait to go camping!”

“Don’t worry son. With these lovely autumnal shades, some hunter is sure to put us out of our misery soon!”

 However, I have no idea what I can possibly say about this last sweater. The model looks so happy. It would be mean to crush her happiness. Right?

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May 2, 2008. Knittin' Porn, Snark Editorial.

16 Comments

  1. Michelle replied:

    Hmmm….1995, huh? I was in college then, and I don’t remember fashion being quite this bad. Of course, I also didn’t knit then, so who knows what might have crossed my needles in those years. Certainly not a kick-line of disembodied legs.

  2. Rebecca replied:

    Wow.I mean..well…just wow.

    The socks sweater is just plain weird. Disembodied legs aside,who wears a sweater labeled as socks?

    The father-son sweaters are pretty scary,too

  3. Susan replied:

    Oh. My. God. What were they thinking?!

  4. KnittingGnome replied:

    Wow! I don’t think those were really considered fashionable even when the magazine came out! We sure have come along way, baby!

  5. Jen replied:

    My eyes…they bleed…

  6. rainin9 replied:

    It sure was funny looking at those pictures! haha!

  7. clepro replied:

    Genuine, you just crack me up! What a great eye and sense of humor you have.

  8. Alex replied:

    Hey, in 15 years you’ll look back on the knitting magazines you are drooling over today and go “my god, what WERE we thinking?”.
    Although, I have to say, these are things I never would have made, even 15 years ago.

    I have a lovely Kaffe Fasset sweater I knit myself in 1992. It’s the tumbling blocks one. It’s so 80’s. I don’t wear it anymore, but I keep it wrapped up, waiting for the day it comes back into fashion.

  9. Mary Ellen replied:

    That sock sweater is going to give me nightmares.

    I initially missed that the magazine was from 1995 — I thought it was recent!

  10. gorlitsaknits replied:

    The 80’s get a bad rap for fashion, but as I recall, the 90’s were pretty bad too.

    But just look at some of the “timeless” styles in last falls’s IK. Sure, they’re nice, but we’re going to be laughing at some of them in a few years.

  11. Merenwen replied:

    I actually didn’t mind a few of them. But the sweater with ‘socks’ stitched in to is quite an eyesore.

  12. Carat replied:

    Oh 90s, how we loathe your fashion.

    All of these sweaters go into the same category as parachute pants, things never to see the light of day again.

  13. Sue replied:

    “I have no idea why this hat must exist. Explain this to me. God, are you listening!”

    Actually, I think it was made for Marge Simpson. Note the room for the blue hair. 🙂

    Great find Genuine, even if I did have to close my eyes at times.

  14. fishie replied:

    I’m actually a little in love with the sock sweater. It’s so hideous!

  15. brouhahahaha replied:

    Thanks for the eyepopping photos (I think… but I may have to send you the bill for my new glasses that I will need now).

    Have you seen the new summer Knitters’ cover? I posted it on my blog a couple of days ago… or it’s on their website. Think “Star Trek in Tropical Neon”.

    lol

    kb

  16. Meegiemoo replied:

    Those patterns are more 1985 than 1995.

    that SOCK SOCK SOCK sweater is so very heinous.

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