Dear Princess Margaret: Late Night Snark

 A brief editorial note: as the title states, this was written late at night, and excessive snark may be attributed to that. I must admit, I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. Tonight is the opening night of Midsummer’s Night Dream and there shall be photographs and much rejoicing to come very soon!

  My darling cousin Margaret,

 I know you’re special, but do you really need to tell everyone on Ravelry that someone didn’t roll out the red carpet for you at a yarn store and your confidence has been shattered since that experience? Displaying ones emotions that way seems so…demeaning.

 Also, my royal darling, I know that it’s hard for you when someone has the audacity to have an opinion different than your own, but these plebians must be humored in some respects.

 Oh, your little copyright thread didn’t go well? Tsk, tsk, well, I suppose telling all the designers on Ravelry that you believe in freedom of information and that you lift all your patterns from piracy sites might incite some strong feelings—but it really seems too bad. After all, you are a princess, and every princess needs her own copyright thread, doesn’t she?

 And I couldn’t believe that someone dared to accuse you of laziness when you simply asked how to K2TOG–not everyone can figure out how to use something as difficult as a search engine, can they? Even expecting someone to do so assumes that they have the time or the inclination not to needlessly waste others time with questions that have been answered and reanswered a multiple of times.

 Don’t worry about the fact that your Malabrigo is pilling–you can always buy more, dear, from the royal purse. After all, can’t everyone afford to buy hundreds of dollars worth of yarn every month, and subsequently pretend that they’re ashamed of it—while secretly gloating over their wealth? Never mind those who can barely afford more than a skein or two of anything once a month—everyone knows that real knitters always have stash.

 In conclusion, darling Margaret, always assume the worst about other people, never trust their intentions, and reinforce your own personal prejudices daily with a good strong dose of privilige.

 Love,

 Cousin Clare