Biggest Load of Crap About Knitting I Ever Heard

  Please, understand, the blog post that I am linking to is nearly a full year old. This isn’t fresh news but this post—and the comments—had me ready to throw my laptop through the nearest window.

 Debbie Schlussel wrote a charming blog post entitled, “Men, the New Women, Alert: No, Balls of Yarn Are not Cojones.”

 Right away, Debbie lets us know her opinion about the way that our society is finally recognizing that non-gendered activities are…non…gendered.

  • In my ongoing examination of our society’s largely successful attempt to feminize America’s men (and masculinize the women), I’ve been watching the growing trend of knitting for boys and men.

 Because in the past, no menz knit! If you had a Y chromosone in the Good Old Days, knitting just burst into flames in your hands!

 Yes, because it is better to have men attach their masculinity to abitrary activities like woodworking or car repair, rather than have the confidence to be a manly man and knit. The logic that says that men are sooo tough that they will crumble if they knit or sew baffles me. You’re saying at the same time that they’re so tough that they can’t do something.

  •  The book came out last year, but for some reason–ie., the growing push by stupid mommies to make their boys knit–it’s getting a lot of press now. Gushing press. One of my hometown newspapers raved about it over the weekend. I’m guessing the woman who wrote the review also likes her son to figure skate and is sending him to flight attendant school next.

 True story: two of my younger brothers asked me to teach them to knit. I don’t really enjoy teaching people to knit. It’s boring and tedious. But they asked. One of them is working on an orange and white scarf in garter stitch.

 However, I think Debbie is showing that SHE HAS BEEN INFLUENCED BY THE MEDIA MAFIA! She used the term, “flight attendant,” and everyone knows that’s just a politically correct term used to replace the term stewardess.

 And don’t start that talk about male figure skaters. Everyone knows that those are just a myth.

  • Here’s a note for those who mistakenly think knitting is for men: It ain’t. Despite the title of this book, cojones do not equal balls of yarn and two wooden sticks. And the same holds true vice versa.

 Omigosh.  Can anyone tell me what the heck she meant by that last sentence?  But, let’s continue with the making-fun-of-this-sad-woman. I’m not normally no-holds-barred, but this woman is just sad, sad, sad.

  • If you’re a scientist in a remote Antarctic camp of all men studying the extreme cold and you need a new scarf or hat, then knitting is okay. But, other than that, if you’re a guy, don’t scratch that itch. Knitting ain’t very manly.

 So like, if women aren’t around to do that womanly stuff for you, and, uh, you’re far away from where chicks can see you, and uh, you’re gonna die from cold, you can like, totally knit. But otherwise, SQUELCH THOSE KNITTERLY URGES!

  • Just an observation. If you must knit, the jockstrap does not fit.

 See, if you don’t fit into an extremely moden and limited perspective on masculinity, your men parts shrivel up and fall off. Step away from the cashmere, wool and knitting needles, buddy! It’s for your own good. It’s a wonder yarn store owners don’t post warnings on this stuff!

  • For the record, I do knit. Or did. Takes waaaaay too long to make anything decent. It’s strictly for the very bored, IMO.

 And here’s where every knitter realizes that Debbie was just playing with us all along. Because she doesn’t just think that men knitters are pansies, any knitters are just bored, sad little people that need real hobbies like…like…other stuff!

The comments range from crazy to very satisfying,  like the Desert Storm Veteran that posted this amazing response:

 “Wow!

‘beg forgiving for delving a bit deeper past the main subject, but…

“stupid mommies?”

Where in the world do you get off insulting someone’s way of raising her child?

…and well, if you really want to get off on that whole masculine thing…go ahead and insult some man’s mother and her choice of raising him — to his face…or is it just that you’d rather be more comfortable doing so hiding behind a keyboard and computer screen?

I was taught how to knit by my grandmother, who survived the Great Depression and lived through WWII…without the help of any man, but yet holding her own — great gods, where would all these manly men be without Rosie the Riveter?

I was taught to knit at the age of 5, and have been knitting ever since — even through my time serving in the military AND Operation Desert Storm.

…and if I may be so bold, I see that you support Veterans, at least from what I see from all of the Veterans’ blogs links that you have posted — please tell me, a proud Veteran, who KNIT HIS WAY THROUGH THE FEWEST OF SPARE MOMENTS WHILE FIGHTING AND SURVIVING DESERT STORM to help remind you of the freedoms that you have to wantonly insult our mothers and our upbringing; please tell me of my decline of masculinity.

Please, by all means tell the WORLD as you are right now.

I think I’ve earned my right to knit. I think I’ve earned my right to do whatever I want to do.

What have you done to earn your right to mis-use and abuse the freedoms you take for granted?”

 Can I hear a chant of MAJOR (CENSORED) SLAP, yo!

 There are some crazy comments, like this one by a self-dubbed, “JasonBourne81”:

  • Debbie,This is a major fad today. As a 25 year old man of today, I am being constantly assaulted by the fad of men my age thinking it is cool to be effeminate. The whole pink/lavender/pastel colored shirt thing really gets to me. I find it truly offensive to the senses to see other men wearing that nonsense.

    This whole knitting thing is probably being foisted on these poor, young boys by domineering, feminazi mothers who want to let their child “explore his individuality” by doing this, even though the kid probably begs for a toy gun or GIGOEs, only to be told “no, that encourages and excacerbates our violent gun culture.” The boys father is probably an ultra-metrosexual, wet noodle pansy who either sees nothing wrong with the sissification of his son or else is too under the thumb of the domineering feminazi wife to say anything about it.

 The key word here? Feminazi. This is when anyone with a radio knows where this genius gets his info. Some racism follows from sonomaca.

  • I wonder if all those Muslim male youths in Dearbornistan are at home knitting? Somehow I doubt it.

 Trust me, though, go and read the comments. There are some GREAT stories from people with knitting fathers and grandfathers, male knitters and more. This lady is sad, sad, sad. But knitters are great.

 Too bad Debbie doesn’t have a hobby like, you know, knitting. Then maybe she wouldn’t post such ignorant and hate-filled blog posts.

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September 20, 2008. Snark Editorial.

14 Comments

  1. Linda replied:

    But knitting requires brains, a commodity which she sorely lacks.

  2. Lexi replied:

    Men were originally the only ones who did knit. Women weren’t allowed to knit a long time ago!

  3. jinniver replied:

    Apparently, Debbie doesn’t know her history. Sailors used to knit all the time (back when only men were Sailors). When the knitting guild was established in France (in the 1500’s), knitting was a male-only occupation and women were not allowed to join.

    Here’s my philosophy when it comes to people like this: despite what the U.S. Constitution says, all men (and women) are not created equal. Some are just idiots. Logic and facts have no effect on their ignorance or their bigotry. Sadly, there’s nothing you can do to help them, and poking their cage just makes them feel as though their sad existence has been justified.

  4. Dava replied:

    My dad taught me how to knit. He learned when he was recovering from injuries he received fighting in WWII. While I never saw him sit down to knit anything, it was obvious he loved showing me the mechanics of how a stitch is made and how cool it was that each stitch creates the fabric. He was the first one to tell me that if I knew the knit stitch and the purl stitch, I could knit anything.

    I love that you can see right through the media hype.

  5. glittrgirl replied:

    I work with a of doctors. It is amazing how many of the male ones tell me that they taught themselves to knit when they were on call overnight as house officers…..

  6. AJ replied:

    “If you must knit, the jockstrap does not fit”? Who the hell does she think she is? Johnny Cochran?

    And I should’ve known someone who thinks they’re Jason Bourne couldn’t say anything intelligent.

    “Dearbornistan”? I knew there were some SERIOUSLY ignorant people out there, but this is so beyond sad.

  7. tana replied:

    Huh. Unfortunately I am so inundated by stupidity from the presidential election, that this, while highly entertaining, did not strike a nerve for me. I’m pretty sure my nervous system has in fact shut down from this year’s presidential race.

    If I have learned nothing else from reading blogs, I’ve learned this: there are some really inanely stupid people out there. Unfortunately, they know just enough to broadcast their stupidity for all the world to read. Lucky us.

  8. Jennifer replied:

    Wow. Does she blog just to hear herself think? (OK, that makes no sense.) It’s clear she has no idea what she’s talking about. (Hello, gansey sweaters? Fishing nets??) And if she actually *opened* the book before she started bloviating, she might even have learned a little bit about men and knitting. Mo-ron.

  9. Beth replied:

    I remember my grandpa using the sewing machine and darning his own socks, in fact, I think he was sort of showing off to me. He may have learned in the army. Certainly he wasn’t prone to handicrafts of any sort, but he was not ashamed of his skills at all, and I’m glad he showed me that.

    The thing about blogging is that it’s always just opinions. I doubt that any avid knitting fan of any gender is going to give this chick the time of day, and if someone is scared off from the hobby because of her, well, that’s there own damn fault.

  10. Paula replied:

    okay, wow. I guess people really do have a right to be stupid.

    BTW, are you going to do NaNoWriMo? I just joined it! (I remembered your post from a bazillion years ago, and this is my mom’s account) PM me on Ravelry if you are! (pixiestyx)
    Melanie

  11. Jo replied:

    I must say, that was an interesting read. It amazes me how ignorant some people can be. That was your typical “open mouth, insert foot” rant on a subject this woman clearly has no knowledge on. Best thing to do with a person like that, is to ignore them all together. ( But, I did enjoy reading the remark the Desert Storm Vet. gave as a reply to her so called opinion on knitting. ) Now, back to my “Boring” knitting. Oh, I crochet also. Does that mean I’m twice as boring?

  12. Lost Clown replied:

    Great post. My male knitting friends will get a kick out of this. (and most my male friends)

  13. Samantha replied:

    Dearbornistan? I’m assuming she’s refering to Dearborn, Michigan. I live less than an hour away from there. My school debates against them. There are not *that* many muslims there. Seriously, there were like… 3 muslim people on their team.

  14. Rebecca replied:

    O
    MY
    GAWD

    It’s 3 in the morning and I just ran across this teaching one of my best male friends to knit.

    I am PEEING my pants laughing. Hunh. It’s amazing. I am frequently reminded how much smarter I am than others (even with that crappy sentence structure)

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