Top 10 Knitting Questions Briefly Answered

1. Acrylic: It melts

2. Stockinette stitch: It curls

3. Alice Starmore books: THEY WILL NEVER BE IN PRINT AGAIN

4. Crochet versus knitting:

Someday, we will hammer our knitting needles into crochet hooks, and beat crochet hooks into knitting needles and cashmere will flow freely throughout the land. Until then? DIE, CROCHET! (1)

5. Socks: Yes, they are fun to knit

6. Ads: Stop linking your Etsy shop in every post

7. The next Knitty issue: It will come out as soon as Amy knows that everyone has given up hope and gone to pick up a gallon of milk. She has powers, people. Mind powers.

8. Copyright: No one really knows what’s copyright is, but you can bet that there’s going to be a lot of links to girlfromauntie’s blog.

9. Wollmeise

It does not actually exist. The money is being funneled into a secret operation that is testing the effects of fads and the herd mentality as it relates to online shopping. It’s a tale so twisted, so bizarre…that it MUST be true!

10. “Is (insert technique here) really hard?”

This question is framed badly. No knitter or crocheter will ever tell you that any aspect of their craft is hard, because they want to suck you into the black hole that is their latest multi-color lace argyle body suit designed by Kaffe Fasset. Warning signs that knitters are lying to you include: ‘don’t do this while talking,’ or, ‘let your family know that you may not be available for the next three years,’ or, ‘It’s REALLY easy, I’ve made 37 pairs in two days!”

Merry generic holidays, dear readers.

1. Yes, merry holidays, even to the crocheters. I was teasing you. Mostly.

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December 21, 2008. Snark Editorial.

15 Comments

  1. samantha replied:

    Can you post this on ravelry somewhere? maybe even talk jess and casey to putting it in the rules?

  2. MJ replied:

    That was one heck of an awesome present 😀 Happy Holidays to you too

  3. Marissa replied:

    ‘It’s REALLY easy, I’ve made 37 pairs in two days!”

    I think I’d have to kill them simply so they didn’t make the rest of us look horrible if this statement were true.

  4. stringcatknits replied:

    That was one awesome post. 😀
    “latest multi-color lace argyle body suit designed by Kaffe Fasset”
    LOL 🙂

  5. knittingdodo replied:

    Love it!!!!

  6. tana replied:

    LOL – great post.

  7. Hoxton replied:

    LOL – thanks so much for making me laugh in the midst of Christmas knitting madness! Someone, somewhere, will now be working on that bodysuit…

  8. Chelsea aka CrochetCollection replied:

    Lol, Genuine, I’m sending my crochet hooks over all the states between us to GET YOU!! lol.

    Otherwise, great post 😉
    Your crocheting blog buddy,
    Chelsea

  9. KraftyKeri replied:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks, that was great =) I needed that today!

  10. ingvild replied:

    socks aren’t fun to knit though 😦 😦 😦 they’re all … all .. IN PAIRS … you have to knit TWO of them (!!!) with pretty yarn, of course, but .. two! Unless you’re lucky enough to only own one foot, that is. or can do magic loop. magic loop will be the bane of existense. GRRR.

    Oh yeah. That’s all. Fun post! Merry giftmas!

  11. Jennifer replied:

    Bwahahahaha…. Maybe I should write a pattern for an intarsia cover for my Corolla. On size 000 needles. With hemp. C’mon! It’s a piece of cake!

  12. Larissa replied:

    I think that’s the best summary of the knitting world that I have seen yet. Love!

  13. tangletale replied:

    Knitting is like belonging to a cult isn’t it? They suck you in with promises of “Oh it’s easy, you’ll get the hang of it” and before long you are screaming with frustration after having knitted your two socks on two circs into one for the 3rd time.

  14. Nina replied:

    Great post! ITS FUNNY BECAUSE ITS TRUE.

    Although, I thought Knitty came out on the solstices and the equinoxes. Am I wrong?

  15. judith replied:

    My pattern # stiches change from back to front. one less stich. says to continue in set pattern. help

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